Healthy Connection & Relationships are Important
Being an imperfect person is hard. No matter how badly I might want to get it right in relationships- intimate, family, professional or otherwise, there are times I fail – sometimes miserably.
Do I wish I could do better?
Yes, oh yes. Would input and resource from professionals help?
Again, Yes.
There are a slew of courses and relationship experts who can help – trust me, I’ve looked at several of them.
Once such group of experts is The Gottman Institute.
Dr. John Gottman has partnered with several other scientists- Dr. Robert Levenson, Dr. Lynn Katz, Dr. Alyson Shapiro, Dr. Neil Jacobson, and his beloved wife, Dr. Julie Gottman, and has been studying and researching relationship trends and patterns of behavior since the 1970’s. Using the science and data from their research,The Gottman Institute can determine, with staggering accuracy, relational success.
Even more importantly, they have used their years of research to create tools, courses, workshops and training to help improve and strengthen relationships.
I took the Art and Science of Love Workshop with a partner back in early 2020. What was originally supposed to be an in-person weekend workshop turned into us taking the online course because the in-person workshop was cancelled (thanks for nothing, Covid-19!).
It was work. Real work, comprised of some uncomfortable conversations, vulnerability and work to build deeper trust and better communication. I quickly realized that recognizing and changing poor communication habits and behaviors is an ongoing, lifetime commitment.
One one hand, it was nice to have complete privacy in our home to have some of those difficult conversations. However, I also wished we’d had the benefit of a facilitator to help coach us through some of the tougher sections.
The tools and takeaways were phenomenal. Even now, two plus years later, I am able to recognize when I am in falling back into some of my negative behavior patterns and responses. (Admittedly, it’s unfortunately AFTER I’ve lost my cool, so I still have some work to do.😔)
Do I think the course, materials and curriculum were time and money well spent?
Yes, Absolutely.
Unfortunately, having the tools and using the tools are two different things. In our times of conflict, we did NOT use the tools we had been given, and our relationship’s failure was a direct result of NOT practicing and using the skills we had learned.
I know we were not alone in this challenge.
Many couples are in crisis. Relationships are full of hurt and challenge. Families are struggling to communicate in healthy ways. Conflict resolution skills seem to be at an all-time low everywhere I look.
If you are looking for ways to learn, grow and strengthen any and all of your relationships, I encourage you to look into The Gottman Institute.
Even more important is this: Make a point of intentionally and regularly reviewing, discussing, and USING the tools.
Do not err where we did- Learn the tools, then actually USE them, especially in times of conflict. The healthy, longevity and happiness of your relationships may depend on it.
