I came across these great words of wisdom from a ‘Therapy Thursday’ session (over fifteen years ago) with Ken. In that session, we talked about doubt.
To summarize it succinctly: Doubt can be helpful, and doubt can be harmful.
My opinion: I think am a trusting person.
My reality: I am a doubter.
I might pretend to be confident about someone’s intentions and follow-through, but I am often (secretly) expecting to be disappointed. Sometimes I doubt someone’s true intentions. Other times, I doubt someone’s honesty-so much so that I will seek to confirm what I have been told through other avenues.
It’s an icky feeling to realize that you don’t trust someone- especially when that ‘someone’ is a close friend or loved one. (It’s a really, really icky feeling.)
And even when my doubts proved to be well-founded (and true), I used to mentally beat myself up about it.
My guilt and shame about doubting others caused me begin doubting my own judgment.
I was constantly asking myself, ‘Am I wrong to doubt people I love and care about?
Ken assured me that my doubt was not necessarily a bad thing. In his words, “Doubters help us to know the truth; they investigate.“
After we unraveled the specifics of the current doubting dilemma that was plaguing me, he continued to encourage me to be discerning in my times of uncertainty. Ken reminded me that I am a trusting person who has learned to verify and follow the evidence… and that is a good thing.
In summary:
Doubting works against you when you are always suspicious, bitter and untrusting. You lose opportunities for positive growth and change.
It is okay to “trust, but verify”, however be careful not to let doubt prevent you from remembering how much goodness (and good people) there are in the world.
