September 2022. I felt like my life and my faith were in chaos, and getting worse, not better. I was just out there, winging it… wondering if everything I had believed in faith was just a misguided fantasy. There were a few good days, but mostly there were days where I was just faking it with every ounce of my being. That’s where I was- that was my mindset when I got up and out early on the morning of the 26th. I was on the road early, heading towards Spokane, and I stopped in Gresham, Oregon just so I could walk the labyrinth at St. Luke the Physician Episcopal Church.
It was early and sunrise had been barely an hour earlier. My timing was unintentional, but perfect nonetheless. So when I stepped into the labyrinth, all I could think about was that my life and faith were in shambles.
Trusting God means having faith that misdirection will be redirected
“What if I’m doing it wrong?” is a frequent worry of mine. I worry that I’ve allowed myself to be misled by my thoughts, emotions, and circumstances.
I worry that as ‘obedient’ as I am trying to be to what I think God is calling me to do, I might be misunderstanding or going about it the ‘wrong way’.
When I shared this fear with my friend Gwen, she said something that has made all the difference in the world- something I return to whenever I feel like I might be hopelessly off track. She told me (paraphrased) that if we are doing out best to follow God’s will, it doesn’t matter if we are slightly off course or even going the wrong way completely- as long as we continue to seek His will and follow His lead, He will always redirect us when we go astray.
Surrender can be the greatest form of liberation
Surrender to love
At the end of the day, you can never lose when you choose to love.
Above all else, love people. Love them when you’re mad at them. Love them when you’re disappointed. Love them when you’re appalled at what they’ve done. Love them when they break your heart with their words and actions. Love may not make the hurt, anger, frustration or struggle dissipate, but love will cleanse the palate of your soul.
Love is pure goodness, so surrender to love.
The type-A control freak in me resisted every word of this with every fiber of my being, while my emotionally and psychologically exhausted spirit hears it, and wonders if I can and if I will.
How about you?
