Confession:
I have the urge to run away.
From my job.
From my home.
From my life.
Just pack a bag, get on a plane and go…. somewhere.
Somewhere different.
Maybe temporarily. Maybe permanently. I’m not sure; I don’t know. I just have the urge to GO.
I’m not alone in this feeling, am I?
Have you ever felt like running way from your life?
Maybe I should take a few months to complete minor home repairs and de-clutter, first.
I could sell, donate or give away all the non-essentials and extraneous “stuff” I’ve accumulated over the 18+ years in my house.
Then sell the house.
Move away. Leave the neighborhood, leave the city, leave the state.
Where would I go? I have no idea.
Where would I work? Also unknown.
But maybe it is time for changes, BIG changes.
However, whenever I start to wander down that road of thought, I stop and ask myself if I am running TO something or AWAY or from something. There IS a difference, and it’s an important distinction.
I also have to ask myself, “WHY?” Why am I contemplating this change?
I tried to look at it from all angles.
Stick with What’s Familiar
I know that we often find comfort in what is familiar, and have a fear of the unknown.
It’s why people stay in jobs that are unfulfilling- because they’re stable and they know what to expect. A job search and change could mean putting yourself out on a limb and possibly being rejected. Or the ‘dream job’ could turn out to be something from the movie “Bad Bosses.”
People stay in relationships where they aren’t being treated well, because “I don’t want to be alone” or “It’s not that bad.”
Fear of the unknown is often why we won’t take certain risks. After all, familiar unhappiness is better (and safer) than potential misery, right?
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.“
It means that its better to stay in something that isn’t making you happy because the alternative might be worse.
I don’t know about you, but I have a very active imagination. If I begin to contemplate making a big change, I can easily imagine a worst-case scenario, then inexplicably find a way to make my imagined scenario even worse. My fear of the unknown can do a great job of discouraging me.
So yes, there is comfort in the familiar. However, there is also fear in the familiar.
Consider the phrase: “Familiarity breeds contempt.” this is where we believe that things/people that are part of our normal routine and experiences are the source of our frustration and unhappiness. The same old problems and irritations, day after day…
However, If we aren’t willing to take a hard look at ourselves and recognize that WE need to do work to grow, then we can fool ourselves into thinking it’s easier to ‘start over’. Make a ‘Fresh Start’.
Get a Fresh Start
After all, change can be scary, but if we are the ones needing to change… well, that can be even scarier. Sometimes all the unhappiness we have within ourselves spills out of us and into what is around us- jobs, relationships, home environments, etc.
We think it’s THEM, when it’s really US.
Starting over means that the familiar comforts are lost, but so are the familiar challenges. Relationship challenges, job/career discontent, unresolved conflicts, past hurts… all those negatives can be part of our “past” if we can fool ourselves into thinking the “change” we are contemplating is the first step on the road to a better job, a better relationship… a better Life.
We think a change – whether a new job, new car, new apartment, new community or a new relationship (or all of the above) will improve our life and increase our happiness. We think a “Fresh” start is the answer because we won’t consider the possibility that it might be US who needs to do some changing.
But… what if it turns out that all the contempt, unhappiness and discontent that we think is all around is actually coming FROM us– reflecting how we feel about ourselves, our decisions, and our behavior?
What if we were more self-aware.
What if we thought, “Could I be what needs to be changing, and not the environment, job or relationship?”
I am the common denominator…
OH CRAP, Maybe it’s me!
If it’s me, I’m just taking the problem (me) wherever I go.
It’s true that a new environment, new job, new friends and new relationship would means that none of the “new” in my life would know what happened in the past that created the very circumstances I am running from.
It would be my own sullied version of a fresh start…
However, the real me (not who I am pretending to be) and who I am and what I’ve done will eventually be revealed. If I haven’t done the work to change myself (really CHANGING myself- from the inside, out), well, then, I’ve gone from bad to worse.
All this might be more self-reflection and introspection than I want to really consider.
Maybe I should just go back to focusing on the one thought running through my head…
“I want to run away from my life.”
Maybe it IS time for a fresh start.
Or, maybe, just maybe, I need to dig in and make the changes and fixes within me, right where I am.
Maybe “starting over” means repairing, restoring and rebuilding the relationships, job satisfaction, home and friendships I have, and not running AWAY.
Maybe.
But just in case I’m wrong, I’m going to look at some airfare prices….
