For the last few weeks, I’ve had this recurrent theme regarding Identity bouncing around in my head. Of course, thinking about identity leads me to thinking about self-worth because the two go hand in hand.
Our self-worth is determined by our identity, and we tend to base our identity on:
- our jobs/career,
- our relationships (partner/spouse, children, family and friends),
- as well as the perceptions of others.
(There are more factors, but these three are big ones.)
If you are a person of faith, your primary identity should be as a beloved child of God- that should be more than enough to feel fulfilled. However, I know that doesn’t resonate with everyone, and people of faith can struggle with their identity and self-worth as much as anyone else.
But, I’m getting sidetracked…. Let’s focus on
IDENTITY.
Though I’ve tried to dismiss it, there was the feeling of insistence that I need to share the importance of being in alignment with your identity and values. The sermon at church on Sunday solidified it for me. So here it is:
God blesses who you are, not who you pretend to be.’
Consider the people in your inner circle – the family members you are closest to, your intimate partners, your best friend(s) – if you can’t talk to them about just about anything and everything – the “real stuff’, including the things that are unflattering about you, then you are living a lie. Hiding your authentic self is the same as lying about your identity.
If you can’t move from one atmosphere or environment to another without becoming a different person, you are lying about your identity.
If your closest relationships only know the ‘edited’ or sanitized versions of your story, you are living a lie.
If you believe that you and your siblings have a good relationship and can trust each other, but your actions create tension, conflict and disharmony within the family, then your values do not align with your identity, and you are living a lie.
If you claim that family is important to you, but you are intentional about separating yourself from them- both in distance and with your actions, then your values do not align with your identity, and you are lying about who you are.
If, for example, you say, “My mom and I have a great relationship”, but you intentionally share hateful stories about her to other family members behind her back, then your values do not align with your identity, and you are living a lie.
If the way you are living does not align with what is truly important to you- your family, your values and ideals, then you are living a lie.
If you have lost your way- if you lost, subverted or submerged your identity in an effort to distance yourself from pain in your past (self-inflicted or otherwise), please know this: giving up your identity- the quirks, peculiarities and idiosyncrasies that make you who you are, is the exact opposite of what you should do.
Running away from who you are and those who really know you is not the answer.
So, having said all that, what do you have to say about your identity? More importantly, are you living a lie?
