A young child who is scolded by a parent feels the sting of their rebuke. Though they will not say it, they may sometimes fear that their misbehavior and the resulting chastisement means they are no longer loved by that parent.
Their fear comes from not understanding
- the power of love, and
- the depth to which they are loved.
That is why it is so important to offer positive reinforcement, encouragement and love after discipline.
Rarely will a child ask out loud, “Do you still love me?” because they fear hearing “No”.
And kids aren’t the only ones who experience this fear and insecurity.
Adults are also prone to those feelings. An even less inclined to recognize or acknowledge it in the moment.
Fear has power, but not as much as love. Unfortunately, we often forget that.
We let fear dictate our response.
We shut down.
Build walls instead of bridges.
Lash out and inflict hurtful words in an effort to deflect our own hurt and feelings.
Being an adult doesn’t necessarily make us any better equipped to cope with those fears.
Sadly, that fear doesn’t always dissipate with time and maturity. While we can logically think one way, the feeling- the fear of rejection, the fear of being unloved- can permeate our hearts and spirit. And the things we say and do to try to deflect those feelings or protect ourselves from the way they make us feel are often regrettable.
Regrettable, but not unforgivable. If we are just willing to show ourselves, and others, GRACE.
I’ve read that we need at LEAST five positives to every negative criticism we face. Some kids people need even more.
And since we don’t know how much negativity, insecurity and fear we need to counteract in ourselves (or those around us), we have to be very liberal about spreading that positivity. Five is just a starting point. Set a new PR every day. With sincerity. Kindness. Love.
