Today’s Therapy Thursday post is a departure from previous style posts. It doesn’t have the wisdom of Ken (my former therapist). Instead, I want to begin examining all the advice, counsel and guidance that is available to us in the world of self-help books.
Did you know that over ten MILLION self-help books are purchased every year? That makes it clear to be that individually and collectively, we yearn to do better and be better.
I invite you to join me in discussing some of the concepts, methodologies and strategies found in articles, books and a host of other self-help platforms. The world needs us to be better communicators striving towards healthier relationships. Let’s talk about how we can take these ideas and apply them in the real world.
Let’s goooooo!
Sometimes a movie, book or song resonates in a way we don’t expect. The timing seems uncanny, and it feels like too much of a coincidence that something is brought to the forefront of your attention. That is how I felt when I stumbled across this book, Talk to Me Like I’m someone You Love, by Nancy Dreyfus PsyD.
It’s not a book in the typical sense of the word – it’s not something to be read cover-to-cover with a storyline.
Instead, the book is a series of flashcards with a simple phrase on one page and a corresponding explanation about the phrase on the next. It’s written in a way that gives context on how we can use the phrase to (hopefully) open the door to a more positive and productive conversation, especially during times of relationship struggle.
I’ve gone through the book a handful ot times and picked out some of the cards that ‘spoke’ to me the most.
Let’s start with Card #4:
“All I want is for you to listen to me with an open heart.”
Sigh.. Communication blunders are the crux of so many conflicts, so a lot of strong emotions are evoked with this simple statement.
“All I want is for you to listen to me with an open heart.”
I feel like it could be the opening statement to every difficult conversation where we fear rejection or dismissal. I think about how we could each use this statement to open closed emotional doors, end estrangements and rekindle relationships.
“All I want is for you to listen to me with an open heart.”
Saying it requires courage; However, the receiving party also has to have the courage to put their own ego, fears and insecurities aside long enough to listen with an open heart. That’s not something easily done (by either party), but can you imagine how worthwhile it would be for all parties involved?
I think this phrase is worth tucking away. Imagine how a conversation (and relationship) could turn in a positive direction if we could remembered to authentically communicate this phrase this during moments rife with hurt feelings in a communication impasse.
Nancy Dreyfus makes a statement in the book— ‘Hearts are forever opening and closing. An open heart has only opened one more time than it has closed. That’s it… only one more time.’
And all I can think is, “Please, open your heart to (and for) someone who loves you.”
